Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
