Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
