ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
