I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
