If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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