you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
