Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
