I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
