I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I don't deserve a penis
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
