So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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