Do you still have your period?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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