And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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