Someone shit on the floor
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
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