We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
