So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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