a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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