Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
