why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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