so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
