Sponge bath it is.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
