Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
