well I can't set my house on fire every night
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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