i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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