She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize