If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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