Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
