working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
