i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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