There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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