You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
