is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
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