You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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