Having a random hookup so left but love u
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
