I'm really into asian looking animals
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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