so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
