I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize