**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
