Life is so much better after having sex.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
