So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
