It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
