dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
