I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
