this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
