I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize