I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
