The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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