I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
