Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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