Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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