and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Randomize
