Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
