At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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