So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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