ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
