We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
