sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
