I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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