Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Randomize
