does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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