Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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