On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
