The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
