The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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