I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
