All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
50% drunk capacity currently
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
