Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
