Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
