I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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