i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
