glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
