Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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