The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
