Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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