Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
