community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
