There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
